Kenshin Horror
by AnnekeRose
Summary: The Cast of RK preform a The Rocky Horror Picture Show
1. The opening: Science FictionDouble Fea

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 1 – The opening: Science Fiction/Double Feature)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Part 1 – The opening: Science Fiction/Double Feature 

(The ghost of Tomoe steps onto the stage.) 

Tomoe: 

Enishi was ill   
The Day the Earth Stood Still   
But he told us where we stand. 

And the Battousai was there   
With a golden stare.   
Kenshin was the Invinciable Man. 

Then something went wrong   
For myself and Ken-shin. 

We got caught in a circular jam.   
{It was a Sacrific!}   
Then at a deadly pace   
It appeared on...   
{Where!?}   
Kenshin's Face   
And this is how the blood ran…   
{Down his face!} 

Science fiction, double feature   
Samurai X will build a creature.   
See Hitokiri fighting Brad and Janet   
And Hiko stars in Forbidden Planet.   
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh   
At the late night, double feature, picture show. 

I knew Seta Soujiro   
Was over a barrel   
When Shishio took to the hills   
And he really got hot   
When he saw Sano   
Fight a monk that hits pillars and kills. 

Sano said Prunes, Gave him the runes   
{When they are made by Kaoru!}   
And eating them used lots of skills 

But When Worlds Collide,   
Said Saitou to his bride,   
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"   
{Aku Soku Zan} 

Like a... Science fiction, double feature   
Samuari X will build a creature.   
See Hitokiri fighting Brad and Janet   
And Hiko stars in Forbidden Planet   
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 

At the late night, double feature, picture show.   
I wanna go Oh Oh Oh 

To the late night, double feature, picture show.   
By NWS,   
{Nobuhiro Watsuki, and Sony,} 

Oh Oh Oh   
To the late night, double feature, picture show.   
{Where's Aoshi!}   
In the back row,   
Oh Oh Oh   
To the late night, double feature, picture show.   
{Smile for us Tomoe!} 

(Tomoe & her lips fade into a picture of a cross)   


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	2. The Beginning of the adventure: Damn it...

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 2 – The Beginning of the adventure: Damn it Ugly!)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast: Lips (Tomoe).   


Part 2 – The Beginning of the adventure: Damn it Ugly!   


Shishio-gumi: Here they come!   
(Honzo Kamatari & Otowa Hyouko run out of the church. They have just gotten married. Kamatari is in a white wedding dress, Hyouko in a tuxedo.) 

Photographer(Played by Kaariwa Hennya): Let's get a picture. Close together now.   
(Flash of the Camera) 

{MWHAHAA! I've stolen your souls!}   
(somewhere in he background, Sanosuke is screaming "NOOOO!") 

Ralph (played by Otowa Hyouko): I guess we finally did it, huh 

Brad (played by Yahiko): I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Kamatari   
have been almost inseparable since you met in bishounen's character section. 

Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Yahiko, That's the only reason I showed up in the first place 

Betty (played by Kamatari) O.K. you guys, this is it. (everyone screams) 

(Kamatari throws the flowers, Janet catches them) 

Janet (played by Kaoru): I got it! I got it! 

Ralph: Hey little fella looks like it could be your turn next, eh?   
Brad: Who cares   
Ralph: well, so long, see you Yahiko. 

Janet: Oh Brat, wasn't it wonderful?   
{No!}   
Wasn't Kamatari radiantly beautiful?   
{No!}   
I can't believe it. An hour ago he was just plain old Kamatari,   
{echo: plain old cross dresser.}   
now he's Mrs. Kamatari Otowa. 

Brad: Yes Ugly, Hyouko is a lucky guy.   
Janet: Yes.   
(Shishio and Yumi walk by)   
Shishio: I always cry at weddings.   
{ "And laugh at funerals"}   
Brad Everyone knows that Kamatari is a wonderful little cook.   
{Kaoru isn't! or He learned from Shishio or Shishio a hot cooker to.} 

Janet Yes.   
Brad Why Hyouko himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two.   
{If Kenshin doesn't kill him first!} 

Janet Yes. 

Dammit Ugly 

Brad Hey Kaoru.   
Janet Yes Yahiko?   
Brad I've got something to say   
{ "Then say it, don't sing it !" }   
Janet Uh huh.   
Brad I really love the skillful way... you beat the other girls...   
{ "With a shinai?" }   
to the bride's bouquet.   
{ "Oh, that too..." } 

Janet Oh Yahiko!. 

Brad The river was deep but I swam it   
The future is mine so I'll plan it.   
So don't tell me to can it.   
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Ugly, you can't cook. 

The meal was long but I ate it   
There's a fire in my chest   
and you caused it.   
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Ugly, you can't cook. 

(Kaoru is getting really mad at this point) 

Here's a cook book to prove that I'm no joker.   
There's only three ways that rice can cook.   
{That's Done Right, Done Wrong, and Done Kaoru's way)   
Oh K-A-O-R-U   
I hate you so. 

(Kaoru less angry grabs the cook book)   
Janet Oh, it's nicer than Kenshin had   
Now we're enraged and I'm so glad   
That you have no Mom or Dad.   
I've one thing to say and that's Brat, I'm mad, at you too.   
Oh Brat... 

(Kaoru and Yahiko face off with shinai) 

Brad Oh... dammit.   
Janet I'm mad...   
Brad Oh... Ugly.   
(Kaoru baps Yahiko)   
Janet ...for you. Brat I hate you too.   
Brad & Janet There's one thing left to do - ah - oo. 

Brad: And that's go see the man who began it.   
{Yeah Watsuki} 

When we met on a bridge in Tokyo   
Made me give you the money back and then panic   
Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Ugly, you can't cook.   
Dammit, Kaoru. 

(They fight back and forth) 

Janet Oh Brat, I'm mad.   
Brad Dammit, Ugly. 

Brad & Janet I hate you. 

(Both fall down exhausted. The scene changes over to a dark room.) 

Narrator (Played by Aoshi): I would like, ah, if I may,   
{"You may not!"}   
...to take you   
on a strange journey 

{"How strange was it?" "So strange they made a movie about it, and   
then somebody else wrote a crossover fanfiction for it!"} 

It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Yahiko and his Sensei Kaoru   
two young, normal healthy kids, left Tokyo   
that late May 13th evening, to visit a Himura Kenshin, ex-Battousai, now friend to both of them.   
It's true there were dark storm clouds. toward which they were driving. 

Which sounds like a perfect night for me. 

Offstage someone yells: Get back to the script! 

Narrator/Aoshi: It was a night out they were going to remember...   
{"How long will they remember it?"}   
for a very long time.   
  


V.1.1 – Audience lines added from Ashfae   


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	3. Entering the Castle: Over At The Edo Cas...

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 3 – Entering the Castle: Over At The Edo Castle)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast: Lips (Tomoe), Brad (Yahiko), Janet (Kaoru), Criminologist/Narrator (Aoshi).   


Part 3 – Entering the Castle: Over At The Edo Castle   


Janet Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passes us.   
They sure do take their lives in their hands,   
what with the weather and all.   
{You're the one letting a ten year old drive!} 

Brad Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.   
Janet Oh. ...What's the matter, Brat?   
Brad Oooh. We must have taken the wrong fork,   
{You mean chopstick!}   
Brad: a few miles back.   
Janet Oh, but where did those motorcycles come from?   
{ "Japan" }   
Brad Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.   
(Boom!)   
Janet Oh! What was that bang?   
Brad We must have a blowout.   
I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed.   
Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help. 

Janet But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?   
Brad ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?   
Maybe they have a telephone we could use.   
Janet I'm going with you.   
Brad Oh, no, ugly, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.   
Janet I'm coming with you! Besides Bart   
the owner of that phone might be a band of evil bad guys   
and you might never come back.   
{ "You should be so lucky!" } 

Over At The Edo Castle 

Janet In the raining darkness,   
Of the blackest night,   
Burning bright, there's a   
guiding light.   
No matter what, or who you are. 

Brad & Janet There's a light... 

Chorus Over at the Edo Castle 

Brad & Janet There's a scream... 

Chorus Bleeding in the night. 

Brad & Janet There's a fight, a fight in the darkness of everybody's life.   


Riff Raff (played by Sanosuke):   
The blood must go down the river of Kenshin's dreaming.   
Flow ma…Ah shit I don't know that word…   
Out of his life. Out of his life... 

Brad & Janet There's a light…   
Chorus Over at the Edo Castle. 

Brad & Janet There's a scream... 

Chorus Dieing in the rain….   
There's a fight, a fight   
Brad & Janet ...in the darkness of everybody's life   


Narrator /Aoshi: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet   
{ Unlike you. You never smile.}   
and that they had found the assistance that their plight required   
Or had they?   
{ Make up your mind already! }   


Janet Brat, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened... 

Brad Just a moment Kaoru, they might have a phone. 

(Riff Raff appears in the door way, played by Sano, complete with fishbone in his mouth) 

Riff Raff (played by Sano): Hello. 

Brad Hi! I'm the son of a Tokyo samurai, Myoujin Yahiko, and this is my Sensei, Kaoru Ugly. I wonder if you could help us. You see our car broke a few miles up the road...   
{That's what happens when you let 10 year olds drive.}   
do you have a phone we might use? 

Riff Raff: You're wet.   
Janet Yes - it's raining.   
Brad Yes.   
Riff Raff Yes...I think that perhaps you both better come inside.   
Janet You're too kind. Oh Brat, I'm frightened. What kind of place is this?   
Brad Oh, it's probably some kind of dojo for rich weirdoes.   
Janet Oh. Are you having a party?   
Riff Raff You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's affairs.   
{Yes Kaoru, Kenshin is sleeping with Tomoe again!}   
Janet Oh, lucky him.   
(Megumi appears in a French maid's outfit, and slides down the banister).   
Magenta (played by Megumi) You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha ha   
{Then why do bad guys keep attacking?}   


End of part 3.   
  


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	4. Frank Enters the scene Part 1

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 4 – Frank Enters the scene.)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast List:   
Brad – Yahiko, Janet – Kaoru, Magenta – Megumi, Riff Raff – Sanosuke, Crim – Aoshi, Lips - Tomoe   


Part 4 – Frank Enters the scene. 

The Jinchu   
Riff Raff: It's astounding;   
Time is fleeting;   
Madness takes it's toll.   
{Yep, it's got Enishi}   
But listen closely...   
  
Magenta: Not for very much longer.   
Riff Raff: Kenshin's got to keep control.   
I remember, fighting the Battousai.   
Drinking those moments when   
His sword would miss me. 

Riff & Magenta And a void would be calling... 

(They run into the main hall way, Transylvanians are played by the Jinchu warriors,   
instead of a big dance sequence it's a big fight.) 

Transylvanians Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

Narrator/Aoshi: It's just a fake to the left. 

All And then a lunge to the right. 

Narrator With you're hands on you hips. 

All You bring your sword in tight.   
  
But it's the heart thrust   
That really drives in the pain. 

Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

Magenta It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.   
{Megumi's taking Opium!}   
So you can't see me,   
{Do you still make Opium?!}   
no, not at all.   
  
{Where does Rurouni Kenshin take place?!}   
In another dimension,   
{How do we read it?}   
with voyeuristic intention,   
Well secluded,   
{Have you read it?}   
I see all.   
  


Riff Raff With a bit of a mind slip 

Magenta Enishi has really flipped. 

Riff Raff And nothing can ever be the same. 

Magenta He's spaced out on sensation. 

Riff Raff Put Kaoru under sedation. 

All Let's do the jinchu again.   
Let's do the jinchu again. 

Enter Columbia played by Misao! 

Columbia Well I was walking down the street just having a think   
When this girly type of a guy gave me an evil wink.   
He shook me up, he took me by surprise   
He had a cross scar, and the devil's eyes.   
He stared at me and I felt a change.   
Time meant nothing, never would again. 

All Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

Narrator It's just a fake to the left. 

All And then a lunge to the right. 

Narrator With you're hands on you hips. 

All You bring your sword in tight.   
But it's the heart thrust   
That really drives in the pain. 

Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

(Misao tap dances, and throws her kunai.) 

All Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

Narrator It's just a fake to the left.   
{ echo "Get the fuck off the desk" }   
(Aoshi jumps off the desk but in a graceful kempo move.) 

All And then a lunge to the right. 

Narrator With you're hands on you hips. 

All You bring your knees in tight.   
But it's the heart thrust   
That really drives in the pain. 

Let's do the Jinchu again.   
Let's do the Jinchu again. 

Janet Brat, say something. (whispered)   
  
Brad Say, do any of you guys know the jupon gatana?   
{ "THAT was stupid"} 

Janet Brat, please, let's get out of here. 

Brad For God's sake keep a grip on yourself. 

(music cue softly at first, crescendo up)   
{ stomp in time to Frank, chant "Heel, Toe,..."} 

Janet But it... it seems so unhealthy here. 

Brad It's just a party, Ugly.   
{And they have better food!} 

Janet Well -- I want to go. 

Brad Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone. 

Janet Well then ask the butler or someone. 

Riff Raff/Sano: I'm not a butler. I work for no one. 

Brad Just a moment, -- we don't want to interfere with   
their celebration. 

Janet This isn't the Meiji Government, Brat. 

Brad They're probably foreigners   
{Yes Foreigners, all from Japan!}   
with ways different than our   
own. They may do some more folk dancing.   
{It's not folk dancing it's world domination!}   


Janet Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared 

Brad I'm here -- there's nothing to worry about. 

(ion" }   
I've been killing a man   
{Just one?!} 

With Ryu Tsui Sen   
{ echo "Dragon Mallet Flash" }   
And it's good for relieving my   
{"sexual"}... tension. 

I'm just a sweet battousai   
From Kyoto, Japan!   
(Kenshin draws his sword and fights one of the Transalvanians)   
{ echo } HIT IT, HIT IT!   
I'm just a sweet battousai 

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta Sweet battousai 

Frank From Kyoto, 

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Japan... 

Frank So, Come up to the practice room,   
And see what's dead on the floor.   
I see you shiver with antici - (Three seconds)   
{ "SAY IT!"} …pation. 

But maybe I'm not…   
really to blame.   
{"No Tomoe's to blame! She got in the way!" } 

So I'll remove the cause…   
(Kenshin throws his Katana away, his eyes return to normal)   
  
(Chuckles)   
But not the suffering… 

(applause)   


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	5. Frank Enters the scene Part 2

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 5 – Frank Enters the scene.)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast List:   
Frank – Kenshin, Columbia – Misao, Brad – Yahiko, Janet – Kaoru, Magenta – Megumi, Riff Raff – Sanosuke, Crim – Aoshi, Lips - Tomoe 

Part 5 – An experiment gone horribly wrong. Sword of Damocles 

(Brad and Janet are given towels) 

Janet Thank you.   
Brad Thank you very much. 

(Columbia/Megumi and Riff Raff/Sano start to undress Brad/Yahiko and t to sword fight. The on lookers dance. Yes they dance.   
Kenshin eyes turn back to amber again.)   
All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

Rocky Oh ho no no 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

Rocky Oh ho no no 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

Rocky Oh ho no no 

(They continue to fight, Shishio now mocks Kenshin.) 

The sword of Nagaso Nekotetsu is hanging over my head. 

All That ain't no crime. 

(Shishio pins Kenshin to a wall.) 

Rocky And I've got the feeling that someone's gonna be cutting off a head. 

(Shishio is ready to cut off Kenshin's head.) 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

(Kenshin blocks and gets out of grip.) 

Rocky Oh no no no 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

Rocky Oh no no no 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. 

Rocky Oh no no no 

(repeat until end -- Sha-la-la) 

All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't   
no crime,   
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't   
no crime,   
Sha-la-la. 

(They fight through the whole above scene all over the lab. They finally stop both exhausted and breathing hard.) 

Frank Well really.   
{ "Yes, really" }   
That's no way to behave on your first day out.   
{Of Hell!}   
  
Rocky: Ugh Ugh 

Frank But since you're such an exceptional beauty,   
{Put your contacts in Kenshin}   
I am prepared to forgive you.   
(Kenshin's eyes return to be violet.) 

Rocky Ugh Ugh 

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	6. Rocky & Eddie

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 6 – Rocky & Eddie.)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast List:   
Frank – Kenshin,   
Brad – Yahiko,   
Janet – Kaoru,   
Magenta – Megumi,   
Riff Raff – Sanosuke,   
Columbia – Misao,   
Rocky - Shishio,   
Crim – Aoshi,   
Lips - Tomoe. 

Part 6 – Rocky & Eddie, I can make you a new man. 

Frank - Oh, I just love success. 

{But you never loose!} 

Riff Raff – I could take him.   
  
Frank Yes. 

Magenta – So could I. 

Frank Yes. 

Columbia - He's cute. 

{Cute!} 

Frank – Cute! (Kenshin gets ticked off) Cute!   
(Kenshin drags Shishio over to Kaoru and Yahiko)   
  
Well, what do you think of him? 

{See Ugly, See Ugly Lie, lie Ugly lie.}   
  
Janet - Well, I don't like a man with too many bandages. 

{Megumi does!} 

Frank - I didn't make him... for you! {Or Megumi!}   
He carries the Nagaso Nekotetsu sword of approval.   


I Can Make You a New Man 

Frank - A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds   
Will get fire in his face   
When killed for his plans; 

Rocky - Ugh... Ugh... 

Frank - And soon in the spa with a burned chin,   
The sweat from his pores   
as he works for his revenge. 

(Misao is holding a jar of greese, but just shakes her head, she is not going to touch Shishio even with his bandages on. He's not that cute.) 

Will make him glisten and gleam.   
And with massage,   
{From Yumi!}   
(Yumi appears on stage and pushes Misao out of the way so she can rub the oil onto Shishio. Yuck!) 

and just a little bit of steam, 

He'll be brown and quite mean.   
He'll be a strong man. 

(Kenshin turns to notice Yumi and Shishio, and he looks as if he's going to be sick.) 

Oh help us... 

All - But an ugly man! 

Frank - He'll eat nutritious . . .   
high protein. . .   
And swallow raw. . . 

(At each pause, Kenshin looks like he's going to be sick again. Yumi leaves the stage and Kenshin looks a little better.) 

Try to reconstruct his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs   
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.   
In just seven days... 

{Of Plastic Surgery!} 

Frank & Transylvanians I can make you a new man. 

Frank - He'll do laundry, and windows, do the cleaning, cooking and sweeping.   
  
He thinks revenge must be hard work.   
Such strenuous living I just don't understand,   
When in just seven days...   
I can make you a new man.   
  
Frank Ah... ooh! 

(Beep Beep Beep from the freezer.) 

{Japanese Take Out!} 

(Threw the wall of ice comes a motorcycle, on the motorcycle is HIKO, playing Eddie! Complete with big white cape.) 

Columbia – Hiko?!   
(Hiko kicks the kickstand)   
{Checklist! Kickstand: check.} 

(Gets off the motorcycle with a swirl of his cape) 

{Cape: check.} 

(Hiko runs his fingers threw his hair.)0   
  
{Hair: check.} 

(Hiko looks in to the camera with one of his smiles.) 

{Attitude: check}   


Baka Deshi! (Curse My Soul) 

Eddie - Whatever happened to your training fights,   
When you dressed up sharp and you looked all right?   
It don't seem the same since Kimon night.   
You came into my life, I knew I was divine.   
  
(Screaming Fan Girls: Hiko-sama Kawaii!) 

I used to go for a run with a saka or two,   
And listen to the rumors on the redhead I knew; 

A battousai was cutting on the government's show.   
You climbed in the back room, you really had a good aim. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know.   
  
Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

(Sax Solo replaced with Hiko jumping around in neat fighting stances.)   
  
Transylvanian - Lovely cape! 

{ When Hiko stomps/poses: "Hiten Mitsu. . . rugi Ryuu" } 

My head used to swim from the blood I smelled.   
My hands kind of fumbled with the white ceramic jug.   
I'd taste sweet sake and that's when I'd melt.   
  
And I'd whisper in your ear that you were really mine.   
Get back to practice!, put a big cloak on   
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Ougi was the his very last test.   
With your hands around your sword you'd try to fight along.   
It felt pretty good.   
Woo you really had a good time. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

Baka Deshi, curse my soul,   
I really love myself you know. 

{when the Transylvanians appear on the screen and practice a sword skill   
"Step, step, step, kick. Step, step, step, kick.   
Step, kick, step, kick. Kick, kick, kick kick."}   


(Kenshin attacks Hiko with his sword. Hiko runs off screaming like a girl!)   


Frank - One from the past. 

Rocky Ugh... 

Frank (Runs over to open the door and let Shishio out.)   
  
I didn't have money for a real teacher...   
he had a certain naive charm,   
(What did he lack!)   
but no modesty.   
  
(Shishio0 flexes a bicep)   
  
...Oh!   


I Can Make You a New Man (Reprise) 

Frank But a deltoid and a bicep.   
A bucket and a mop.   
Makes me, oooh, shake, 

(Kenshin walks over and dance with Usui)   
{ echo "Boogie with a blind villian" } 

Makes me want to take Shishio by the ...ha-ha-hand. 

(Kenshin is still nervous about touching Shishio obviously)   


Frank & Transylvanians - In just seven days { "and seven nights" }   
I can make you a new man. 

{ "Step, strut..." }   
Frank - I don't want no dirt,   
Just clean laundry. 

Janet - I'm a bishy fan.   
{We knew that!} 

Frank In just seven days, { "and seven nights" }   
I can make you a new man.   
Clean it if you can   
In just seven days, { "and seven nights" }   
I can make you a new man. 

(Frank and Rocky's wedding march) 

Transylvanians – Kenshin and Shishio, hahahahha!   
Kenshin and Shishio, hahahahha!   
Kenshin and Shishio, hahahahha!   
Kenshin and Shishio, hahahahha! 

{ throw CONFETTI } 

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	7. The Part without a Song!

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 7 – The Part without a Song!)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast List:   
Frank – Kenshin,   
Brad – Yahiko,   
Janet – Kaoru,   
Magenta – Megumi,   
Riff Raff – Sanosuke,   
Columbia – Misao,   
Rocky - Shishio,   
Eddie - Hiko,   
Crim – Aoshi,   
Lips - Tomoe. 

Part 7 – The Part Without a Song! 

Narrator There are some who say that life is an illusion   
and reality is but anime of the imagination.   
If this is so, then Yahiko and Kaoru are quite safe.   
the sudden departure of their host...   
and his new sparing partner...   
into the seclusion of his somber fighting arena   
left them feeling both apprehensive   
and uneasy, a feeling which grew   
as the other swordsmen departed,   
and they were shown to their separate rooms.   
  
(Kaoru and Yahiko are shown to their separate rooms by Sano, and Megumi) 

(knock on the door to Kaoru's room.) 

{"Never worry Never fear, the battousai of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu is here!" }   
  
Janet Uhh! Who is it? Who's there? 

Frank (Brad) It's only me, Kaoru. 

Janet Oh, Brat what do you want? Come in.   
Oh! Brat, Oh Brat. I'm scared…How are we suppose to help him?0   
  
Frank (Brad) It's all right, Kaoru, everything's going to be all right. 

Janet Oh, I hope so, he's my darling. 

(Kaoru figure out it's Kenshin) 

OHHH! Oh, it's you! 

Frank - I'm afraid so, Kaoru, but isn't it nice... 

{You'll get no argument from her!} 

Janet Oh, you battousai, you monster...   
I should have known Yahiko would never call me Kaoru.   
what have you done with Yahiko?   


Frank Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you thing I should train him? 

Janet Your confussed... I wouldn't have... 

{Invited you to live with me!} 

I've never... never... 

Frank Yes, yes, I know, but killing isn't all bad, is it?   
I think you really found it quite pleasurable. 

(Kenshin puts Kaoru's hand around a katana.) 

Janet Oh, stop... I mean help... Yahiko Yahiko!... Oh Yahiko!!   
  
Frank Shhh. Yahiko's probably asleep by now.   
Do you want him to see you like... This!   
  
(Kenshin thrusts the sword under his arm. The whole it looks like it's run threw him.) 

Janet Like this like how?! Oh, it's your fault... you're to cute...   
Oh... I want an Oro... 

Frank Yes, but I'm sure you could learn...   


Janet Promise you won't tell Yahiko... 

Frank Cross my cheek and hope to die... 

(Kenshin and Kaoru start sword fight. Yes, sword fighting. Get your minds out of the gutter.) 

(Scene switches to Sano and Megumi. Megumi is mopping the floor.) 

{ "You fuck with the mop, I'll fuck with the monster" } 

{ When Magenta looks at Riff as he's leaving: I know he's a rooster-head, but god he's got a cute ass) 

(Sano walks over to Shishio)   
(Sano taunts Shishio with the candleabra) 

{Burn baby Burn!}   
{Great just what Shishio needs, another burn!} 

(Shishio runs away, climbing down the elevator shaft) 

(Sano throws candle, then turns to Megumi.) 

{ "Elbow sex... Elbow sex...") 

{Now for you Megumi & Sano lovers, they will kiss!} 

(Sano grabs Megumi, and leans over and kisses her neck.) 

{Sic!} 

(Shishio running around, hunted by Shinsengumi.)   


(Kenshin dressed as Kaoru comes into the room.) 

Frank (Janet) Oh, Yahiko, it's no good here. He'll destroy us. 

Brad Don't worry Yahiko, we'll be away from here in the morning. 

Frank (Janet) Oh, Yahiko you're so strong and protective. 

Brad - oh YOU!   
  
Frank I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice... 

Brad Why YOU! What have you done with Kaoru? 

Frank Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?   
  
Brad You tricked me, I wouldn't have believed it...   
never never... never... 

Frank Oh yes yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it?   
(Kenshin puts Yahiko's hands onto the hilt of a katana.)   
Not even half bad, I think you really quite experienced. 

Brad Stop it... stop it... oh Kaoru... SENSEI! 

Frank Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you   
like THIS? 

(Kenshin's eyes change color, signifying Yahiko's anger.) 

(Yahiko yells) 

Brad - Like this, like how?! It's your fault, you're to blame! 

Frank – Get angry, Brat, admit it, you liked it, don't you?   
It isn't a crime to give yourself over to the pleasure.   
We've wasted so much time already...   
Kaoru needn't know, I won't tell her... 

Brad - Well, promise you won't tell...   
  
Frank - On my master's Kataaaa- 

(Kenshin and Yahiko start sword fighting, but are interrupted by...) 

(Beep Beep Beep...)   
Riff Raff - Master, Shishio has broken his chains and vanished. 

{"*POOF*"}   
Your new playmate is loose   
and somewhere on the castle grounds...   
Magenta has just released the guards... 

Frank - Argggh? Coming! 

Janet - What's happening here?   
{"Swith")   
Where's Yahiko? 

{"Switch" }   
Where's ANYbody?   
  
{ "I'm anybody!" } 

Oh, Yahiko.   
{ "Oh Janet" }   
Kenshin, my darling, how could I have done this to you? 

If only we hadn't made this journey...   
{ echo "...this movie" or "But you did !" }   
if only the car hadn't broken down...   
{ echo "...the plot hadn't broken down" or "But it did !}   
if only we were amongst friends... Or sane persons,   
{ echo "...or real actors" or "But you ARE !"} 

Oh Brat, Oh Brat, what have they done with him... 

(On the screen is Yahiko standing over a dead villain smiling about it.) 

Oh, Brat, Oh Brat -- How could you?   
  
(Shishio emits moans and general cries of pain)   
{Shishio gets up) 

Janet - Oh, but you are hurt...   
  
{"Of course I'm hurt! I'm burnt to a crisp!" } 

Did they do this to you?   
  
{ "No, it's self inflicted"} 

I'll dress your wounds... 

{"But he's already fully bandaged." or "Soujiro will get jelous. Who cares about Soujiro what about Yumi!"} 

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	8. The Last of the Cast Arrives!

**Kenshin Horror**   
**(Part 8 – The Last of the Cast Arrives!)**

_Spoilers: I don't know, but most likely for all the Manga and Anime._   
_Type: Comedy/Cross Over/Parody … INSANITY!_

_Disclaimer: Sorry, I had to do this. Sorry you have to read this. Have fun._

_(Perenthesis show action that occurs on the stage. There won't be to much.)_   
_{Brackets are lines the audience would yell}_   
_The rest is the characters talking._

Current Cast List:   
Frank – Kenshin,   
Brad – Yahiko,   
Janet – Kaoru,   
Magenta – Megumi,   
Riff Raff – Sanosuke,   
Columbia – Misao,   
Rocky - Shishio,   
Eddie - Hiko,   
Crim – Aoshi,   
Lips - Tomoe. 

Part 8 – The Last of the cast arrives!
    
    Narrator/Aoshi - Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...
    
     Vehement or excited mental state.
    
     It is also a powerful and irrational master…and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on the television monitor
    
    there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ...its slave.
    
     {"Kenshin's Slave!"} 
    
    Magenta & Columbia - Tell us about it, Janet.
    
    or.
    
    (On the monitor is a man standing in the rain. Smoking a cigarette.)
    
    Brad: Hey, Fujita! 
    
    Riff Raff: You know this official... this person?
    
    Brad: Well no. He happens to be an old friend, of a friend of mine.
    
    Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.
    
     You came here with a purpose.
    
    Brad: I told you, the car broke down. I was telling the truth.
    
    Frank I know what you told me, Brat... 
    
     But this Official Fujita Gorou,
    
     his name is not unknown to me.
    
    Brad: He was a division captain for the Shinsen Gumi.
    
    Frank And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brat?
    
     He's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which
    
     you call BOR's!!!
    
    {"Battousais On the Rampage!"}
    
     Isn't that right, Brat?
    
    Brad: He might be... I don't know.
    
    Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master.
    
    Frank: He'll probably be...entering the Zen room.
    
     { "The Zen room ? shit ! I've left my cigarette there, now he'll never leave." }
    
     Shall we inquire of him in person?
    
     (Pause)
    
    Fujita Gorou or more correctly Saitou Hajime comes crashing threw the wall in his typical Gatotsu stance/charge.
    
    Brad: Great Saitou!
    
    Dr. Scott (Played by Saitou): Himura, Kenshin. 
    
     We meet again.
    
     { "No, we meet at first." }
    
    Brad: Saitou Hajime! 
    
    Dr. Scott: Yahiko! What are you doing here?
    
     Frank Don't play games, Saitou. 
    
     You know perfectly well what Yahiko is doing here.
    
     It was part of your plan, was it not? 
    
     That he and his teacher
    
     could check the layout for you.
    
     Well, unfortunately for you all,
    
     the plans are to be changed.
    
     { "Who died and made you director?" }
    
     Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Yahiko's presence here comes as a
    
     complete surprise to me.
    
     I came here to find Hiko.
    
     {"Hiko!"}
    
     Brad: Hiko! I've seen him! 
    
    (Kenshin cuts Yahiko off.)
    
    Frank: Hiko! What do you know of Hiko, Saitou?
    
    Dr. Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.
    
     You see, Hiko happens to be my brother.
    
     (Kenshin gasps, Kaoru screams as she regains conscience. She is naked with a naked Shishio. You would scream to. Luckily for our viewers, Shishio is covered by a sheet now.)
    
    Brad: Saitou.
    
     { "Mouseketeer roll call sound off now!" }
    
    Janet Ah! 
    
    Dr. Scott: Kaoru!
    
    Janet: Saitou!
    
    Brad: Ugly! 
    
    Janet: Brat!
    
    Frank: Shishio!
    
    (Shishio flips his head toward Kenshin)
    
    Dr. Scott: Kaoru!
    
    Janet: Saitou!
    
    Brad: Ugly! 
    
    Janet: Brat!
    
    Frank: Shishio!
    
    (Shishio looks at Kenshin with quickly lessening interest)
    
    Dr. Scott: Kaoru!
    
    Janet: Saitou!
    
    Brad: Ugly! 
    
    Janet: Brat!
    
    Frank: Shishio
    
    (Shishio once again gleams at Kenshin, getting very upset. Kenshin walks over to Shishio.)
    
    Frank: Listen... I made you... and I can break you just as easily.
    
    (Megumi appears with a gong, and a big grin on her face.) 
    
    Magenta (Rings gong) Kenshin, dinner is prepared!
    
    Frank Excellent. Under the circumstances, 
    
     formal dress is to be optional.
    
    Narrator/Aoshi: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals.
    
     The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned 
    
     man, and now... this meal.
    
     However informal it might appear,
    
     you can be sure that there was to be fighting soon.

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